Destination Unknown: I fell in love today. I fell in love with a painting. I sort of stumbled onto it, or maybe I was divinely directed to it. After spending a long time talking with Angela at Two Sisters Bookery about some of my upcoming workshops, she suggested that I go up the street to Bottega gallery and art bar. This was the second person to suggest that I go there. A few weeks ago, a painter I met at a gallery opening said that I should go there, and hearing anything twice lately peaks my curiosity, so I decided to check it out.
“Destination Unknown”
An unassuming young man, a musician who is creating music from the sound chips inside of old handheld Nintendo games, was at the counter. He gladly agreed to post my workshop flyer. The walls of the gallery were filled with Gabriel Lehman’s whimsical paintings. Four of them caught my eye, and I’m posting photos of them all here, but “Destination Unknown” captured visually exteriorly how I’m feeling interiorly lately. The coolest thing about Gabriel Lehman is that he supposedly has only been painting for two years, and rumor has it that most of the paintings in this particular show were produced within a month. Now that, to me, demonstrates clarity, certainty, and commitment.
“Behind the Window”
Clarity, certainty, and commitment are three qualities that have been hard for me to access in the last six months. Let’s just say that these are uncertain times. My Vedic astrologer says that there’s a period of new beginning and being reborn going on for me right now and that I can expect the uncertainty to continue for a bit longer. This is similar to what the medical intuitive told me in January.
I am beginning to make commitments in my life that will shape my future. The decisions are grounding in some ways, but this lack of clarity about some of my choices remains. For the first time in a long time, I am embracing a level of liberation that makes my choices feel literally endless. This is a good thing, and it also at times makes choosing difficult. Remembering to never again settle for OK and to only move toward great also helps. I frequently remind myself of Pema Chodron’s words, “But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure.”
Most of the time I have a sense of humor about all of it, and most of the time, it does feel like an adventure. Until it doesn’t. And then I feel scared shitless and recall the last line in Chodron’s quote, “It’s also what makes us afraid.” But, as Lorrie reminded us today in Anusara class after we’d been holding one pose for what seemed like ten minutes, “Freedom sometimes doesn’t come easily, but stick with it. Nothing lasts forever.” Thank goodness for strong spiritual teachers who are here to guide us!
“Music in a Flower”
I’m coming to believe that uncertainty has as one of its ulterior motives to direct us toward our heart’s deepest desires and move us closer to that about which we feel most passionate. Uncertainty creates room for exploring what matters and what brings meaning into our lives, but in moments of fear, we may find ourselves suddenly turning toward the options that are safe, secure, mainstream, or more predictable, those options that we may judge as more legitimate, more normal, or less likely to be judged or criticized by our friends or family.
We always have a choice. We can learn to be present with the fear and uncertainty and follow our hearts, or we can chose the safe route and close ourselves off to what matters most. The thing that I love most about “Destination Unknown” is that even though she doesn’t know where she’s going, she just keeps reaching toward what she loves or what brings her joy. And what I love about these uncertain times is that I’ve cleared out a lot of the clutter, I continue to arrive over and over at my center, and I, too, am again reaching toward what I love and what brings me joy.
What matters most to you? What brings meaning to your world? What’s keeping you from it?
“Home Sweet Home”
4 replies on “Destination Unknown”
Hello Jennifer – I found you through The Blog Farm and wanted to say I'm enjoying exploring your blog. I LOVE this artwork – so glad you shared!
Great opening line. Me too:) I love these paintings, and your choice of words themes: clarity, certainty, commitment. These intentions seem to be central to responding to your final question about what matters most to us. Commitments indeed shape our lives. Yet, as you point out, we can never avoid uncertainty.
This line also spoke to me,"We can learn to be present with the fear and uncertainty and follow our hearts, or we can chose the safe route and close ourselves off to what matters most…I wonder what you are reaching for, dear Author, when you write, "I, too, am again reaching toward what I love and what brings me joy." I wonder what that meant when you wrote it on April fifth and what it means today.
What matters most to me today and gives meaning to my world is building a Urban Ashram in Colombia. I have known for years, that what matters most to me is deepening my contemplative practices sufficiently to be in a position to share them, to serve through them. I have no uncertainty here, just the joy of total commitment and clarity. Thanks for this post, you are a beautiful writer.
Amy, thanks for your comments. Yes, commitment is key here. Where we are committed points to what our current priorities are. If we say we want one thing, but what we are doing doesn't reflect what we desire, we may have underlying commitments to something else entirely. I hear your commitment and clarity regarding your urban ashram in Colombia! Keep reaching toward what you love and where you find yourself committed!
Hi Kerri. Thanks for reading and for the follow! Aren't his paintings fabulous? I'm enjoying checking out your blog, too, at http://practicingcontemplative.blogspot.com/
Check it out folks! Thanks, again Kerri!