Own Your Story

When you own your story, you open the door to new insights, personal growth, and deeper connection. And you discover the power to let it go and create a healing narrative for your life.

I spent time this week walking on the beach with two old friends. They, too, like to walk slowly in search of treasures that have washed up. We walked together, searching, as though we had walked together every day for years, even though it had been 25 years since we spent time together.

As we walked, we each shared pieces of our stories from the past several years of our joys and our sorrows. We each found pieces of sea glass, and one of my friends found pottery shards. Several moments after finding the shards, she turned to me and said, “Here, you can have these pieces,” as she placed two small blue pottery shards into my hand.

Each time I found sea glass, I offered it to my friends. I commented on how difficult it is to find blue sea glass, and the other friend said, “Here’s one,” as he bent to pick it up. He then turned to me, smiled, and said, “Here, you can have it.” I soon found a concave auger shell and offered it to him. He received it with a smile and carefully placed it in his shirt pocket.

As we continued our walk along the shore, I found a tiny Atlantic oyster drill shell. I could see and feel the magic that this shell held for me, and I wondered what it represented. I kept this one and placed it in my pocket alongside the pottery shards and sea glass. It seemed perfect, and that it was so tiny made it seem delicate, different, and somehow more precious. The shell reminded me of a little boy that I loved as though he were my own when I was 17 years old.

As I walked with his mother and one of his brothers on the beach, the shell reminded me of the inherent pain and preciousness in being different. It occurred to me that the three of us on the beach had each had our own experiences of caring for this special needs child. I thought of how my life has been impacted by my connection with this child whom I knew so long ago, and I wondered how he had impacted their lives.

This little boy had taught me so much about love, joy, and pain at such a young age. Because he couldn’t talk, perhaps knowing him helped to strengthen my ability to connect with people and attempt to understand them through what they don’t say as much as through what they do say. Certainly, knowing him was one of the factors that influenced my decision to become a psychotherapist.

Just as the Atlantic oyster shell is an externalized object onto which I have projected the uniqueness of this child, this child was a being onto which I projected my own feelings of being different as an adolescent. In loving and embracing his differences, I gradually learned to love and embrace my own.

All of these reflections raised questions for me about how we can each embrace the gifts of our own differences, find meaning and purpose in our lives, and allow ourselves to fully experience our joy as well as our sorrows.

Most of us have something about us at some point in our lives that we feel is different or that sets us apart from others and leaves us feeling disconnected. Embracing your story can be healing. Pick one person with whom you can connect and share a part of your story this week. In what ways are you embracing your story of who you are and loving yourself wholeheartedly? And in what ways are you turning away from your story? What can you create to honor your story?

Jen Johnson is a mindfulness teacher, coach, and therapist and a photographer and writer. She offers an integrative approach to mind body healing and creative awakening. Learn more about working with Jen.